Dear Bruce Weber
Curse the day Abercrombie and Fitch hired you to revamp their advertising. Because you did a good job. Too good, in fact. So good, that every time that I get my coffee on my lunch, my mind automatically goes to one of two things:
1. the discussion of rebranding with phallic imagery from Jacobs' class last semester
2. "hey, that guy has nice abs. I should stare at those abs...ohmygoodness this place smells like cheap cologne and high school angst"
So, Bruce Weber. This wouldn't bother me so much if this didn't happen three to five times a week, as I work in a mall and stupid AF is right between my job and the mall's only Starbucks. At least when I learned rudimentary music theory, it gave me the ability to describe why most of what 94.5 plays is awful-being able to say,"This Nickleback song sucks because its I-V-I chord structure can be heard a mile away" negated realizing that "Mr. Blue Sky" consists of one chord and a key change. I don't have anything like that to comfort myself with here. I know that I'm staring into AF even though I dislike their clothes, and I know exactly why.
So, Bruce Weber, please start sucking at your job. In exchange, I'll hook you up with every new Apple device for the next year. I hear iPad 3's going to have a time travelling app.
Signed,
a disgruntled PDM major and mall employee
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